Keywords: interupted now
Description: TV » Glee Rated: M, English, Drama & Romance, Rachel B. Jesse sJ. Words: 104k+, Favs: 177, Follows: 161, Published: 12/29/2010 Updated: 11/27/2011> 263 Chapter 1: Broken Dreamer A/N: This
TV » Glee Rated: M, English, Drama & Romance, Rachel B. Jesse sJ. Words: 104k+, Favs: 177, Follows: 161, Published: 12/29/2010 Updated: 11/27/2011> 263 Chapter 1: Broken Dreamer
A/N: This story came to me last night, when I was thinking about how Rachel's character has changed throughout season 2 and how her character is becoming one dimensional and less independent as she used to be, so here's my attempt to give her some depth.
It was New Years Eve, and while most of the students of McKinley High were getting ready for the much hyped New Years Bash hosted by the football team, one girl was not. Rachel Berry sat alone in her living room, wearing a pink snuggie and with a universal remote control in hand. She hardly moved from her spot throughout the whole holiday vacation, and wasn't intending on changing her routing tonight. Tonight, she was watching a musical marathon on Turner Classic Movies that was dedicated to Judy Garland. She had seen the movies so many times that she practically had them memorized.
She was in the middle of singing along with "Meet Me in St. Louis" with the least amount of energy she had ever injected into a song, when her fathers walked into the living room and turned the TV off.
"Rachel honey, it has been two weeks since you and Finn broke up. You need to get out." said her father, Hiram.
"Sweetie, you've spent the past two weeks inside, you've skipped out on your daily workouts, your dance classes, and you're in desperate need of a shower." said her other father, Leroy.
They both sat down on opposite sides of her and took the remote from her hand to turn off the television again. She sighed and stood up to go up to her room. Her fathers both got up and finally lost their patience.
"We won't let you be so affected by one silly boy. You have goals and dreams and it's about time that you focus on them again instead of the school jocks!" said Leroy.
"One boy? Have you not been paying attention to my life at all? Don't you remember what happened with Jesse? While both of you were enjoying your couples vacation in Aruba, I was here in a wreck!"
"What happened to our motivated and determined Rachel who saw her dreams as the most important thing in the world? What happened to our little girl who didn't need a guy?" Hiram said emotionally.
Rachel didn't know what to say. Now that she thought of it, she hadn't been spending much time on her dreams. Her elliptical was collecting dust, and she hadn't been sending out audition tapes like she used to. But over the past few months, her future plans haven't been on her mind as much as her heartbreaks. She had lost her confidence in herself and didn't feel as though she was capable of being a star.
"Who am I kidding? I'm just a nobody from Lima. The most I'll ever do is replace Mister Schuester when he retires!" she said.
"What happened is I went too many days getting slushy thrown in my face, getting hate posted on my myspace and facebook pages, being ridiculed by everyone and feeling alone throughout the whole thing. I haven't had anyone on my side!" she cried.
"But what about your Glee Club? Didn't you say that it's a group of misfits who understand each other?" Hiram asked.
"They understand each other, but couldn't care less about me. They only tolerate me because they know that they need my voice to win. Other than that, they shoot down all my ideas, they put me down, and call me names." She stopped and laughed to herself. "See, I can't even fit in with a group of misfits."
"Dad, Daddy, everyone uses me and then leaves me. Jesse used me for a game before he left me, and to get me to seek out my birth mother—"
"Don't worry… I regret that. She used me to fill the gap in her life that she had from wanting to be a mother. But that didn't work out and she left me. Finn promised me he'd never leave me and he did…"
By this point, Rachel was trembling and wiping tears from her eyes. She was terrified of the fact that she was opening up so much with her parents because she usually tried to hide all of her problems from them so they believed that she was a perfect child, so they would never abandon her. She suddenly became aware of how inappropriate her outburst was. Her parents must be so freaked out by her right now. She needed to do some damage control.
She turned and ran up the rest of the staircase to her room. After a long shower, she dressed herself up in her best knee-length white party dress and told her fathers that she was going out to the New Years Eve Bash to get her mind off of things. Despite the fact that she gave them her best show face, they couldn't really believe her act. They were still confused and skeptical of Rachel's motives, but allowed her to go because they wanted her to go out and have some human interaction. She bid them goodnight and stepped out the door, her smile vanishing completely the second the door was shut.
Rachel started having second thoughts about going to the party during the drive over to Karofsky's house. First off, she wasn't invited. Secondly, she was walking into the lion's den. It would be suicidal for such a bullying target like herself to crash their party. She considered changing directions and spending the next few hours driving around towns she had never visited, singing along to the radio. But then she remembered that Finn would more than likely be there.
She started imagining a scenario of her walking into the party unexpected, looking dazzling and making him want to be with her again. The thought had her smiling her first real smile since before Finn broke up with her. Her smile was short lived however, because she remembered what her fathers said about how she used to be more independent. She felt like a terrible woman for it but couldn't accept defeat with Finn. She reasoned with herself that she felt incredibly alone and really needed him right now.
Before she knew it, she was parked across the street from Karofsky's house. Rachel got out of her car and took a few deep breaths before walking over to the house with her head held high as gracefully as she could manage. She painted a smile on her face that would show Finn that she was happy and unaffected by the breakup. A little hard to get wouldn't hurt.
The party was raging, it was fifteen minutes before midnight and everyone was completely drunk. She spotted Puck playing a game of beer pong with Mike Chang, surrounded by a swarm of drunk girls who threw themselves at them. She looked around for a while, trying to find Finn, but he was nowhere to be seen. To calm her nerves, she took a few shots of vodka. It was disgusting, but it did the job. She gave up the first floor and decided to check out the basement when she heard that it was where the rest of the jocks were hanging out.
She descended the stairs, forgetting all about the potential harm that may meet her if this went wrong. The jocks were certainly down there, with their current girlfriends in their arms. They were all drunk and watching the New Years Eve Ball Drop about to happen on Karofskys flat screen television. The first person to notice that Rachel was there was Quinn, the only sober one there. She peeled herself off of Sam to go talk to her.
"Why do you have concern in your voice, Quinn? The last time I checked, you hated me." Rachel scoffed.
"Look, I only say this because you're walking in, uninvited, in a place full of people who bully you. What are you thinking?" she said, trying to pull Rachel upstairs.
By now this commotion had drawn the attention of the jocks. Rachel turned around and found herself being stared at by the rest of the them. She spotted Finn in the corner with his arms around Santana.
Santana, the girl who took his virginity, the girl that she felt so threatened by. She was watching her with a devilish smile. When she was sure that Rachel had her eyes on the two, she grabbed Finn and kissed him seductively. He was torn between enjoying it, and feeling terrible that Rachel had to witness it.
Rachel stood there, feeling disoriented. Quinn was still trying to grab her upstairs, but she wouldn't budge. Her feet were stuck. The next thing she knew, the jocks, with an exception of Sam and Finn, were closing in on her. She could distantly hear Quinn threatening Karofsky to stand down, but he ignored her. There she was, in the middle of the room, surrounded by drunk men twice as tall as her.
"FIVE – FOUR – THREE – TWO – ONE!" they shouted fiercely. When they hit one, they all threw whatever drink they had in hand at Rachel. Some spilled their beer cans over the top of her head, some tossed their cups of rum and cokes, one actually threw a wine cooler at her—still in the bottle. Her white dress was ruined.
When she finally regained feeling in her legs, she tried to turn around to go upstairs, but Karofsky grabbed her and held her. They weren't done with her. Two other jocks took the cooler and dumped it over her head. Ice hit her with such force that she was actually scratched by a few pieces. A few left over beer cans also fell down and hit her in the process.
She looked up in humiliation at the crowd around her. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Her bullies were laughing at her. Quinn was yelling at Karofsky, but he didn't care enough to listen. Finn just stood there holding Santana as she laughed. He never stuck up for her, who was she to think that he would now.
When she thought it couldn't get any worse, Azimio grabbed her around her waist and pushed her down on Karofsky's couch. She knew things had just gone from terrible to worse. Suddenly, her adrenaline kicked in as he reached for her dress strap and she scratched him as hard as she could across his face. He backed up, covering his bleeding face and she got up and ran for the door with Quinn at her heels. The last thing she saw before she left the room was Santana leading Finn into another room. She ran up the stairs and out the door, across the street and to her car. She sped off before Quinn could catch up to her.
Hiram and Leroy nearly dropped their wine glasses at the loud sound of their front door slamming shut. They could smell the beer and other drinks on her immediately. They turned and saw Rachel standing there soaked and disheveled. Her best white dress was now a brownish yellow. Before they could get a question out of their mouths, she ran upstairs and slammed her door.
She locked herself in her bathroom and cried as she washed Azimio's blood from her nails. When her hands were clean, she looked at her long nails, then at her sobbing reflection in the mirror. She hated the way her face looked when she cried. She felt hideous. Without much thought, she took a crystal vase and threw it at her bathroom mirror.
The sound of the broken vase really left her parents terrified. They decided that it was time to step in and pushed her door open. When they found her in her bathroom, she was sitting on the floor in a mess of glass. Leroy reached down to grab Rachel's hand and pull her up but froze when he saw the scratches on her arm. She had a dozen self inflicted scratches on her left arm. From the look if it, they weren't the product of the glass on the floor. She had actually scratched her own arms with her fingernails.
"Baby, I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but you need to get help. It's obvious that this is going too far. If this pain inside you is so bad that you feel like you have to take it out on yourself, then we need to do all we can to make you better again. Tomorrow we're scheduling an appointment with a psychologist." Said Leroy in tears.